I'm gonna lose it

The urge to self harm is worse then ever right now. What I used to use to selfharm had been locked away, well what they thought I was using but I lied and I still have what I actually use. If it cut it'll be suspicious, and they'll know I'm lying and I don't wanna be sent to the psych ward again. I do it on my thighs now to hide it from my mom, but it's not good enough on my thighs. I miss doing it on my arms so it bleeds a bunch. I'm gonna go insane if I can't do it soon, I need to