My parents have sex all the time and I hear it

I’m in highschool and this has been happening for three years.

My house is very small with very thin walls. I can hear the tv in the living from behind my closed bedroom door, I can hear the oven timer from on my bed, etc. I have an older brother and he lives in our basement leaving only the upper level for me to walk around freely. I feel like shit for this because I know it’s normal for grown adults to have sex and I shouldn’t be policing them but when it interferes with my life and safety and comfort It feels like an issue.

The first time this happened was a little over three years ago (I wasn’t even in middle school yet). I was awake on my phone before bed and overheard my mother moaning through the walls. I was a kid so was a bit freaked out by this and ran to the basement and cried to my brother. This exact same thing happened a week later and this time my brother told my mom I had come downstairs crying but didn’t say why. I sat down with her and explained that I could hear them having sex and it gave me panic attacks. She basically consoled me, never apologized, told me that it was normal for them to have sex, but then I didn’t hear them having sex for a while so I figured everything was fine.

As I got older, I got more friends and started staying the night at other people’s houses more often and thus didn’t hear it for a while. But last summer, it got bad again and I started staying up till midnight every night, telling my mom good night and even texting her multiple times before bed because I thought that if she was thinking of me, she wouldn’t want to have sex. I was getting really anxious to the point where I couldn’t fall asleep. But one day I woke up earlier then normal and, I don’t want to do into too much detail because it’s a really horrible memory, but they basically left the door open (their room is on the direct opposite side of the hall from mine) and I saw my mom giving my dad head.

The worst part about all this is that they constant leave the door open and then act like everything is fine afterwards. I feel like a bumbling asshole because I can’t look then in the eyes or feel comfortable in my parents for days after these instances happen and I don’t know what to do about it. I confronted my mom before and she listened temporarily but clearly didn’t get the memo that the walls are thin and that hasn’t changed over the past three years.

This week they have had sex twice. I feel like a perv saying that but it’s not like I’m trying to know, I just heard it and see it because the door is open.

Tonight, my dad came into my room and said goodnight. Five minutes later I was going to the bathroom when I opened my door to see my parents bedroom wide open and the loud sound of them both moaning. I have really bad anxiety and this sound triggered me really bad tonight and I basically had a full blown, shaking uncontrollably, crying on the floor panic attack in the garage because that is the only place in my house that I can’t hear them and my brother isn’t.

I feels disgusted, disrespected, and violated. But also the fact that I feel this way almost makes me think I’m being immature and pathetic because I can’t deal with my parents having sex which should be normal.

But it’s such and issue because it has started affecting my relationships with them even without them even knowing. I had to sit between them at church today and I couldn’t even eat my piece of bread for communion because I was so nauseous. I was going to go out with my friends for an hour today and my mom asked if I could stay out longer because “I wanted to do something with your dad”. She was referring to lunch with him but all I could think about was them having sex. Yesterday I saw hickeys on the back of my dad’s neck and I couldn’t talk to him all morning.

I feel so hopeless and neglected while also feel like I have no right to feel this way. I know people are going to say to talk to her, but I already did and it clearly didn’t change anything. Even if I get noise canceling headphones, I’ll still be really uncomfortable and be distant from them. It’s getting to the point where I can’t eat full meals my mom made because they feel gross for some reason. I feel very overlooked because I am constantly putting on a front and pretending to be happy around them so they don’t know anything is wrong and it’s exhausting, but I can’t sleep because I’m crippled by the anxiety their going to have sex again. When I hear them, I turn my light on so it streams into their room, stomp around so they know I’m awake, and wait until the garage until I either stop crying or one of them comes looking for me. Yet, they never mention it or ask if I’m okay. As the summer approaches, they are going to be home more and thus this will be a more common occurrence and I’m sick to my stomach thinking about that.

I also feel really ungrateful because otherwise they are great parents. I am very privileged and am not being beaten or anything, so I feel like I should not be complaining like this. Can someone relate to this or give me some advice? I really don’t know what to do.