Thank you everyone

Just to clarify I don't want any sympathy even if no one replies then too I have no issues I just want to cry out loud and someone to hear me. So this is the main reason to write the post. I don't know what will I do after completing or concluding this post but I know I am not happy. I was an average student in the eyes of my parents. Despite of scoring 90+ in every class except 11th and 12th. I was treated like an average minded student kyuki unko 100 mein se 100 chahiye tha lekin unki bhi kya glti woh bhi pehli baar maa baap Bane h. 10th mein I scored 91.7 lekin khush nhi tha kyuki baaki dosto ke 95 aaye the and to make my parents proud I made a decision to study for neet with foundation coaching classes. Pehli baar Ghar se 11th mein bahar nikla tha mein waisa ldka tha jo har waqt khud ke mzze lete tha taki log has sake aur jb aisa khudko dekha diya tha tb rone pe log "rondhadu" ya "ladkiya roti h" ya "ladki" bola krte the toh 6th se I stopped crying infront of everyone aur sbko lga ab ldka bdha hogya h. Back to the story 11th mein I went Lucknow neet pdhne ko. Waha ke log seemed very cool. Ab mein aya townarea se udhr ke logo se influence hokey I started improving my fashion sense aur Sara dhyaan pdhayi ka idhr lg gya. Upar se mummy bolti rhti school krle. Lekin dono manage nhi ho pata tha. School dummy tha tbhi mumma force krti thi pdhne ko shaayd ishi wjh se jb bhi comeback ka sochta dono balance na kr pata. 11th mein 90+ lane waala ldka fell to 55 percent. Lekin 12th mein I made comeback aakash ke centre se leke school mein accha krne lga and got 88 in 12th joki mere liye bhtt accha tha after that downfall lekin neet nhi nikal paya. Meri ex mere se teen saal senior aur ameer thi uska mbbs mein mere 11th ke half yearly ke time hi hogya tha aur abhi 4 mahina pehle breakup hua kyuki she lost interest in me aur ushe koi aur psnd aagya. I was always a creative person. Content creation krna aur gk, reasoning, digital marketing hmesa attracted me but hmesa chorhna pdha pdhayi ki wjh se . I got 579 in my first attempt despite of not loving the field. Drop liya aur iss saal aur bhi bekar aa rhe. Field badal nhi skta aur baki koi course krne ki himmat abhi nhi mujpe kyuki everyone in the society saw me as a pdha likha sudhra hua bcha and I know meri maa ne kitna jhela h agar abhi kuch glt decision liya yeh madarchod parivar wale aur ristar taane mar marke jeena haram krdengey ki bahar bhja tha tbhi nhi nikal paya etc. Bs thank you everyone who ever loved me thank you for each and everything. Love you all . Aap log accha karo. We can just hope for the best. Thank you everyone for everything