Finished off my birthday without drinking.

Day 20. I’m 26 years old today.

I love cooking, and I love eating good food. My partner booked us a fancy Italian place that we haven’t tried yet. I was nervous…and a little bummed that I wouldn’t be enjoying my meal with wine because let’s be real, if you love the experience of great food, you generally love alcohol to accompany the meal.

I decided to have a 0.00% Riesling. It went just fine with the food. It was fine and that’s okay. The food was amazing, don’t get me wrong…but it’s my first birthday not drinking…and suddenly I’m 26 when I could’ve sworn I was 17 yesterday. I just have a lot of feelings. I know a lot of you are going to comment about how it’s all just beginning, I’m still young etc. I get that. I do.

I’m still so uncertain, but I feel like an adult, but I feel like a kid also. I’m a first year uni student who wants to be a vet someday. I don’t even know if I have the grit to do it sometimes…and it’s literally my first fucking semester in my first year.

I don’t feel brave, I don’t feel like I have the strength to get what I want, to live. I’m throwing myself a big fucking pity party but it’s my birthday so I’m allowed.

Whatever, I didn’t drink and won’t tomorrow.

Gonna listen to “who knows where the time goes” by Nina Simone and have a cry. I’ll try and be brave tomorrow.