I am.having dream about my dead love

So the story is quite old, back when I was in 8th class. I was at my maushi’s daughter’s wedding, and that’s where I met my one and only love. 8th was my prime too — the time where I felt like I could pull girls. But she… she was different. Beautiful, yeah, but her character… man, it was something else. We talked day and night, went on walks in the morning, kept talking until our eyes hurt. People around us would see us together and get shocked. We were that inseparable.

Now, I don’t even remember her name. And it kills me. My health issues messed up a lot for me — I posted about it before if anyone’s curious.https://www.reddit.com/r/IndianTeenagers/s/ab7FbyJarN Anyway, back to the story. When I was at my lowest, literally dying inside and out, I suddenly heard the news. She was gone. Dead because of heart disease. A hole in her heart. And even in those 4 months we spent together, she never told me. Not once.

When I heard it… I didn’t even know what I felt. My brain just went numb. I don’t remember anything from that time — probably because of my damn health. And now, out of nowhere, I’ve been seeing her in my dreams. It’s messing with my head. I can’t sleep properly. I keep remembering everything now, bit by bit, and honestly… I don’t know if I even care anymore.

Did I become too selfish? Too emotionless? I don’t know what to feel, what to do. What kind of emotion am I supposed to have for this?

Fell.

Edit — she was my one and only love. From that day, I’ve never been in a relationship.