Feel like I’m drowning.

So I’ve been with this girl for about 8 months now, started off amazing had such good vibes. Told me she had BPD, depression, and anxiety. She’s been on and off medication, on and off therapy. It’s like for 2 months, it’s great and fun and amazing. But then for 2 months after that, it’s literally the most draining thing for me trying to keep her happy or do what she asks from me. There has been things I’ve changed in myself to help her out with her asks, but even when I do them she still says not enough so I’m always left with the feeling of what else can I do because I’m trying everything she asks. I’m so mentally drained because of this, I try everything but it’s never enough. It hurts because my family and friends see this bubbly fun person, but behind closed doors I’m drowning. I’m the most confident, self fulfilled person, I don’t need to rely on who talks to me in a day, how they talk to me, how much they say the love me or don’t. None of that matters. I know I’m happy with my life, I don’t let small things bother me and I deal with it all like an adult. But this has been a dark cloud hovering over me because she can’t handle someone asking something, or someone disagreeing with her, or if I don’t absolutely shower her with affection all day. I work, she doesn’t. I can’t be focused on her all day and she blames me for it. I get up at 6am and work until 4pm, make dinner for both of us when I get home, then she’s upset because I’m tired. She sleeps in until 11, smokes all day, does very little, but I’m the bad guy because I go to work to pay my rent. I show her affection, but it’s not enough for her and thinks I should be only focused on her.

I’m feeling stuck. I don’t wanna ruin her image to anyone around me so this felt like the safest spot to let this out.