Am I the problem??

Sorry this is long:

My partner (49 yo M) and I (43 yo M) have been together for almost 7 years. I'm just now accepting how unhappy I've been; perhaps longer than I've cared to admit.

The beginnings of the relationship were amazing, as all beginnings are. I wasn't out of the closet at the time, which presented its own sets of challenges, but we didn't let it bother us too much. I started staying at my partner's house about 1 year into the relationship (2019). I also maintained my own house and all the utilities. My partner was working at the time and he covered the expenses for his house. I tried to help defray the costs by paying for all the groceries, all meals eaten out, veterinary bills for multiple dogs, 100% of the cost of trips to Miami, California, Chicago, Iceland, and three trips to Mexico, brand new oven/stove, dishwasher, refrigerator and two new washer/dryer sets (one for upstairs and a second one for dogs). I'm a dentist and I also provided over $10,000 in free dental and orthodontic work.

When we started living together, I noticed things about my partner that I didn't notice before and I really didn't like. I saw his explosive temper tantrums, which often involved screaming and throwing things. I also noticed a tendency for him to constantly belittle, insult and criticize everything I did. Cooking and food is my true passion in life. Cooking for people is how I express my love. He seemed to save his harshest criticism for my cooking, which deeply wounded me. He would often humiliate me in front of company by saying "this is disgusting!" or by claiming I intentionally added ingredients he didn't like to ruin it for him. He would claim that I "destroy" the kitchen every time I cook or that I destroyed all of his kitchen appliances if something would breakdown. The ignitor in the gas oven went bad, but that was a result of my cooking, not a faulty part. A water leak developed in the freezer and that was all my fault too.

I also noticed that my partner was a terrible housekeeper but would blame the messes on me. He goes thrifting all the time and would buy so much stuff that several rooms in the house and the entire 3 car garage looked like something you'd see on the show "Hoarders: Buried Alive". But the messes were always my fault. He would say that he lost all motivation to clean the house because of me. Or that I wasn't affectionate enough so he stopped picking up after himself and left the mess for me to clean up. Eventually I became the blame for absolutely everything that went wrong in the house or that went wrong in his life. I began to question my own sanity. I was constantly told how selfish I was and I he got nothing out of our relationship.

In 2022, I faced some significant health problems. My appendix blew up which led to a week long hospitalization. My doctor recommended I get a colonoscopy at the time of the appendectomy and this led to the discovery of stage 3 colon cancer. I underwent major surgery followed by 3 months of chemotherapy. I finally came out to my family and friends at that time and everyone was supportive. This is when things took a sudden turn.

In 2022, right before my cancer diagnosis, my partner fell and broke his arm while roller skating. He underwent 2 surgeries and claimed neither of them worked so he went on disability. Even before this injury, I would notice that my partner would often miss weeks of work at a time. Every year that I knew him and he was working he would go far over the allotted amount sick time provided by his employer. He would go months at a time not getting out of bed. When we would go on vacations he wouldn't do anything but sleep. I'm sure there is some depression involved but he never took the meds he was prescribed. Eventually his employer fired him because he missed too much work. He tried to hire an attorney and claimed he was unjustly let go, but the attorney knew he had no case and it went nowhere. So there is still the unresolved arm issue and now he has venous ulcers in his leg which are quite painful for him. I truly sympathize with him for all of his problems, but he constantly claims I don't. He also completely despises my parents and feels like they are constantly conspiring against him which is totally untrue. He's forced me to distance myself from my family which has been heart breaking for me and them.

He made an ok income before he went on disability, but it was obviously reduced substantially after he went on disability. He has now been on disability for 2.5 years and I've been paying 100% of everything - the mortgage, all utilities, all groceries, all entertainment/vacations, everything. I also put him on my health insurance and paid 100% of that. I've become overwhelmed. However, despite his claims of being unable to work, he is still able to do major landscaping projects around the house, continue to drive around town and buy garbage at thrift stores, text people endlessly, etc.

I suffer from anxiety and severe insomnia. I take medicine to control both. At times in my life I've abused alcohol to help me sleep. After cannabis became legal in our state, I switched from alcohol to weed, which is healthier but still not great. The stress of everything at home and several sleepless nights in a row resulted in me being admitted to a psychiatric ward for anxiety and thoughts of self harm. I would never blame anyone for my mental health, but there's no doubt the issues going on at home were contributing factors. I'm now off alcohol and cannabis and have been doing great. Another possible reason for my improvement is I moved out of my partner's house and began staying with my parents. I know that sounds pathetic, but it's been a life saver. I know I can never move back in to my partner's house for the sake of my mental health. I plan to either buy a new house or move back into my old house.

I'm putting distance between my hopefully ex partner and starting to cut him off financially. He's proven that he's capable of doing something, ANYTHING, to earn and income, but he refuses, claiming he's too disabled. I can't keep supporting him and don't think I should have to anymore. He's blaming me for leaving him with all his health problems, but he's proven himself capable of doing work over and over again. This isn't fair. I can't do it anymore.

Am I the problem?