How can I be friend but not close friend?

Still, after 15 years of therapy, learning how to allow myself to choose my friends and decide how I want to interact, my mind chatter and my somatic responses are fear and guilt when I set a boundary.

I have a coworker who, last year, invited me to take a painting class with her. Sounded fun, so I did that. But this is a coworker that I don't want to be too close to because we are very different. They're not a bad person, we just have different interests (other than the painting), different lives, different values. They are single. I'm married and have kids. They don't ask about my life, but again, since our relationship has been about our painting classes (and sometimes we bitch about work together), I don't expect, and I don't want, to be close friends. We've taken other painting classes now and then.

Recently she was hospitalized, and she asked me to keep them company for an afternoon while t waiting for test results. I was happy to do that.

She does a lot of texting, mostly sending TikTok vids and other superficial things. I usually heart or laugh emoji the vids after I watch them. She has seemed happy and moving on with her life.

Then a few weeks ago, she texted that she was mad that friends weren't following up on her health, not asking how she's doing. I texted a sympathetic response, something like "that's sucks."

Then silence.

And my brain starts going: OMG, I'm the "friend" she's mad at. I've not followed up with her. I've not asked if she needs anything. I've not asked how she's doing. I'm a terrible person. etc.

But I don't want to be a person she relies on for her emotional support. Also part of my journey in recovery has been to ASK for what I need. She has not asked for emotional support.

So, basically I got what I want--not a close friendship. I don't know if I'm just making all this up. Was her text about her friends not following up about me? But in a manipulative way? I don't want to have a heart to heart about whether that was about me, because I don't want her in my personal life. In my painting life, yes, but can't we choose how close we want to be?

I'm feeling fear of rejection I guess? Feeling like a bad person? But I wanted a boundary, right? What the heck is wrong with me?

Thanks for any "I feel you" or advice. Or similar reactions.