Struggling with lack of communication from my fiance

My fiance that I’ve been with for five years has always been a bit shy, but we’ve been together and lived together long enough now that she’s pretty open with me…. However, since that super hot, passionate sex usually does wear off after a couple of years together, we’ve been making an effort to keep trying new and fun things together. Or, at least I have.

She is more submissive, but not like a total sub type and when we’ve talked about it she says she wants things to always be mutual. Like don’t tie her up and just do what I want… which wouldn’t be my thing anyways.

The problem with that is that she doesn’t give any input. In fact she’s even stopped giving me much of a sign during sex… she’s become silent, still, and literally won’t say a damn word about it before, during or after sex. She used to be much more into it, and I guess more of a “participant” in sex.

Now she just lets me do it… we have sex regularly, but it’s become awkward for me and even if I cum I don’t feel like I’ve gotten what I was looking for. If she even did what she used to I would, but she’s so quiet and I guess ambivalent about things that it’s really hard to feel a connection.

She will still use a vibrator and have an orgasm about half the time, so she’s getting some enjoyment out of it.

When I’ve tried talking to her about it, she says she doesn’t really know what she likes. She said all the guys she’s been with before were more selfish and didn’t really care if she got off or had fun… but some of that feels like a cop out because it’s not like she’s a virgin. She knows what’s been fun and what hasn’t, and she just doesn’t want to let me know what that is.

Its frustrating, because she will say things like “I want a future together, to have kids one day and build a life”, which I feel is great, but I’ve been in a marriage with a dead bedroom before, and it seems that this is going in the same direction because I’m losing interest.

I’ll try something different and she seems indifferent about it, which for me is a huge turn off. I don’t know what happened because she wasn’t like that at all when we first got together. Things did actually change when we got engaged and I could basically mark it as that day our sex life kinds tanked… except we still do it. She’s just not nearly as into it.

Maybe I made a mistake and she didn’t want a forever thing? But her words say otherwise. I’m so lost on what to do. She’s been in therapy for a couple of years and says she’s working on her self confidence, yet it hasn’t seemed to help from my perspective. It actually seems worse in a lot of ways unfortunately.

I really do try to build her up, support her, make her feel loved and appreciated, and also make sure she knows that I desire her sexually… but here I am.

Any insights from someone who’s had a similar experience, or from women who might have input or suggestions is really appreciated! I miss what we had in the bedroom, and things are generally great outside of that, but it’s starting to wear on me as I’m a very sexual person.

TIA!