He said he enjoyed almost unaliving his ex…

Hey. So I’ve been dating someone for nearly a year and he’s a drinker. We are so happy when he’s sober but he’s scary when he drinks. I’ve ignored all the red flags (even the one where he told me he tried to end his ex’s life and she had to get an IVO out against him) because he genuinely seems to want to get sober and change. I know venting this is dumb because everyone is just going to tell me to leave him and that if I don’t I might be the next one he hurts but it’s so hard to leave. Why is it so difficult? Why do we pour our love into these men who won’t get the help they need? I already have severe CPTSD from childhood abuse and I know being with him is making it worse. But it’s so difficult to walk away. Tonight he told me he enjoyed what he did to her then said he was only saying that to try and scare me away because I deserve better. And that he’s not actually a bad person. I don’t have a support network to help me disentangle myself and I’m disabled and vulnerable. I’m so mad at myself for trusting a man again when I was already in an abusive marriage. Please just be kind and give me some words of support to help me get through this because I really don’t want to be another statistic because I wasn’t able to get away…