I don't know what's going on with me.

I don't know why, but ever since I was about to graduate from high school, everything seemed to be so downhill. I usually am very enthusiastic about studies, but now it's nothing but a chore. Flunked three subjects in high school but passed them again somehow. Worked hard and got into a reasonably famous college that's near my home, but boy oh boy was it different from what 17 y/o me thought it would be like.

1st year of college was mediocre at best, 2nd year (this year) was, well, terrible. Insanely low performance in academics, lost interest in hobbies pretty quickly afterwards. Self-esteem is at an all-time low, and I've got no motivation to keep continuing college.

The thing is, I don't wanna stay like this. I just want to get through college with at least one happy memory that I can look back on, or at least one achievement, before I graduate a year and a half later. Therapy is too costly where I live, and I don't think my friends can help me out much, since I think I'd just be a nuisance to them.