I feel lonely

Lately I’ve come to terms with that I am lonely. I don’t really have any friends, I used to but I haven’t hung out with anyone for a couple of months. I’ve been kind of depressed and I haven’t felt like doing much. I finished highschool last year and I am taking a gap year so I don’t have have school where I can talk to others. I used to have friends from high school, but I don’t really ever talk with them anymore since I’ve realized that I don’t think they ever really liked me, and probably either felt bad for me or were there cus we went to school together. I have a partner but I don’t really think he likes me either. I feel like I make him mad or upset and I don’t really know how or why because he doesn’t tell me. When we argue I tend to cry a lot and close down. He used to comfort me when it got really bad but he doesn’t really do that anymore. I don’t blame him because I’d get tired if I had to deal with me too. When he gets cold or distant I feel like the world is going to end because he’s the only one still here.

When I see other girls having close relationships on social media or in real life I get so jealous. I really wish I had a close girlfriend to talk about life with and hang out with. I hope when I start at uni I can be open enough to make a friend so maybe I won’t feel so lonely anymore. That would be really nice.