I am useless

My aunts and uncles are all successful, like I have a successful uncle who sings in a band and an aunt who dances. I have family members who have started their own businesses and are still thriving. My mom got her degree and started a buisness. My brother has many friends and excels in sports. I am a loser who spends all her time venting on the internet to strangers. I do art, sure, but it's bad. I have a bad grade in my art class because I do so horrible. I got abused so many times my personality is unrecognizable!! I get horrible grades in school and I try my best to be a good girl but I always forget to listen to the teacher, three teachers hate me because I'm so bad at the class my friend is more successful than me. They're skinny and pretty and I'm fat and ugly. My boyfriend insists I am but he's lying. I rot in my room and just play porn games all day and cut and take medicine and fall asleep and talk to my fp so what's even the point. Sure I have friends and I'm Social with them but what's even the point anymore???? I'm a living breathing landmine and everything i do is useless and will always be topped by someone else, no matter how good i am at the subject there will always be someone better and that's the harsh truth, but I don't want it to be. People are born with a purpose, like my boyfriend knows how to cook, my friend can animate and code, another one of my friends are in all AP classes, what do I bring? IEP classes! I wish I was normal so I won't bring sorrow to everyone I know. Why was I born ? I want to die. How do I kill myself? I can't cut myself anymore because my parents found out. That's it, thank you. If this doesn't apply with this subreddit I'll delete it, I'm sorry.