Anyone else feel like the only real power they’ve had in life is the right to end it?

Not in crisis, I’m safe. I just need to say this to people who might understand.

I didn’t choose to be born, I didn’t consent to this body, this existence and pain. My life has been shaped by trauma, disconnection, and a constant sense that I’m just surviving something I never signed up for.

And the only thought that’s ever felt like mine in all of this is that one day I could choose to end it.

It would be the first time I truly get to choose something, fully and consciously, and that thought brings me so much warmth and peace.

I feel like that’s the only way my life will ever matter, if I end it on my own terms, elegantly and intentionally, as a way of saying “I didn’t choose this life, but I chose how to end it” Like it’s the one act that could make my existence feel meaningful.

I don’t relate to people who stay out of spite, I stay because I love someone too much and would feel insanely guilty for hurting them, but deep down I still feel like the only way to beat this life is to leave it beautifully.

I’m not asking to be talked down, I’m not unsafe. I just need to know if anyone else feels this?