Chief Justice Roger B. Taney seeking law clerks

Seeking a loyal law clerk to assist the Chief Justice of the United States in preserving the natural order of things. Ideal candidates will have a strong commitment to states’ rights, a flexible view of precedent, and no troubling enthusiasm for extending citizenship to certain classes of persons (see Dred Scott v. Sandford, 60 U.S. 393). Bonus points if you’re color blind.