Anyone know where to find this?

The school bully breaks his leg and misses the first mode exam. I specifically created a fake screen name. Pretending to be his fangirl, I helped him through those gloomy days. By the second mock exam, he reclaimed first place. He kept pestering me to meet in person. I teased him frowny face guess who I am, after thinking seriously he asked frowny face are you Vanessa? I immediately blocked him, because I wasn't Vanessa the class beauty. I was his bunk bed buddy, another guy.

Ever since I blocked Jake, he seemed down again. I caught him several times staring blankly at his messenger screen. Fortunately, he adjusted well. Teachers asked everyone not to bring phones to school during the final two months. He never brought his again. Jake had a cast on his left leg and needed crutches to walk. The dorm mates agreed to take turns accompanying Jake to class.

Until one time in the bathroom, Jake jokingly asked me to unzip his pants. He had a mischievous grin making a typical joke between guys. His smile was bright and completely unguarded, making my twisted feelings seem even more disgusting. I jumped back, overreacting and cursing that he was sick. Jake was confused, Ethan I feel like you've been avoiding me since my injury. Did I offend you? I could only make excuses. Do you know how much time I waste getting your food and taking you to the bathroom? Jake lowered his eyes in disappointment. I'm sorry for disrupting your study time.

After that, Jake stopped staying in the dorm. His parents drove him to and from school every day and packed his meals. He drank very little water, avoiding bathroom trips altogether. I felt terribly guilty and full of regret. But I didn't know how to explain. No one could understand my conflicted feelings. I wanted him to know about my affection. Yet I feared him finding out, hoping he'd never discover I was gay. My relationship with Jake grew even colder.

When filling out college applications, I chose a northern city thousands of miles from home, wanting to completely distance myself from Jake and end my feelings. I thought we'd never cross paths again. But surprisingly, on freshman registration day, we ended up in the same dorm room. I stared at the tall, slender, handsome young man before me, unable to process it. Jake spoke first. What a coincidence, we applied to the same school, same major, and got assigned the same dorm. I frowned, not believing it. Jake added, I know you don't like me. I'll keep my distance so don't worry.

I wasn't comfortable with the communal showers. Being naked around a group of people felt too awkward. So I always waited until my roommates were out to wash up in the bathroom. That day, I had just lathered my body with soap when the bathroom door was pulled open from outside. Jake stood there, staring at me without blinking. His gaze unconsciously moved downward. His Adam's apple bobbed. I panicked and covered my private parts. Jake snapped back to reality and stepped back. I'm sorry Ethan. I didn't know you were in there. He turned his back to me, his ears bright red.

I quickly rinsed off and came out with my eyes lowered. Not your fault, the bathroom lock is broken. I hurried out of the dorm, not bothering to dry my hair. When I returned that night, my roommate asked excitedly, Ethan did you fix the bathroom door? I remember it was still broken when I left. I shook my head, unconsciously looking toward Jake. Jake looked up from his book, briefly meeting my eyes before looking down again. The thank you I was about to say got stuck in my throat.

A few days later, some workers came to install a water heater in our dorm. A roommate asked, confused, the communal showers work fine, why install a water heater here? Jake replied, I'm not comfortable with communal showers. What about the extra electricity bill? Jake smiled dismissively. I'll cover the dorm's electricity bills from now on. My roommate, happy about the freebie, beamed. Thank you, generous Jake. Thanks to him, after more than three months at school, I finally enjoyed a comfortable hot shower.

My high school classmate Vanessa suddenly invited us to meet up. Jake suddenly asked, Vanessa invited us to hang out. Are you going? Yes, I'll go. I answered. He had fixed the bathroom door and installed the water heater and I still hadn't thanked him. Vanessa was even prettier than in high school. From their conversation, I learned that in these few months they had already met privately several times. Even the stylish down jacket Jake was wearing had been chosen by Vanessa.

I sat quietly on the side, eating and playing with my phone. I opened a bottle of alcohol. By my third bottle, Jake suddenly held down my glass. You've had enough. I irritably pushed his hand away. Mind your own business. Jake's lips curved into a smile. Want me to carry you back later? I snapped at him harshly. I'm not one of the fish in your pond. That approach doesn't work on me. Jake's smile faded. While helping me up, he said to Vanessa, Ethan's drunk. We should head back. Vanessa looked at Jake longingly, then glared at me resentfully. I took the hint and said with a sour tone, I can go back by myself. Don't let me interrupt you two. I shook off his hand and walked out. Jake paid the bill and caught up with me. Ethan, why are you angry again? he asked, walking carefully beside me.