No matter how hard I try, I can't escape my desires. (Potential trigger warning.)

I'm just so desperate for a woman to manipulate, take advantage of, And use me constantly. I want to be a manipulated free use toy. I hate myself for wanting this, I hate myself for desiring this so heavily. No matter how hard I try, how much therapy I do, or what I go through to stop it. I can't... I'm desperate for it nearly 24/7 and I hate it.