19F, I'm going through a breakup, feel free to DM

Bear with me guys this is messy and confusing, there's a lot to unpack. My now again, ex boyfriend (18M) and I (19F) just broke up as of last night. We've been on and off for over two years, however, I really do think this is the last time. He broke up with me because simply put "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore.". This isn't the first time this has happened. We fought for three hours about it and there's so much to say I don't even know where to begin. His reasons are as follows: He doesn't have time for a relationship, he doesn't have the time to worry about another person, he felt "intimidated" by the relationship label, and more. However, he also mentioned a few times about how he's a "loser", and why would I ever want to date a high schooler (we met in high school, we're one year apart, he's about to graduate and im in my first year of undergrad), and that I have more dating experience than him (I'm his first everything, and I was in a four year long relationship prior to meeting him). I know he's in therapy, and I know he has a really bad anxiety problem and most likely depression. He told me I deserve someone that can have "difficult" conversations, something in which he struggles with.

For further context, we started talking again in January, and we slept together for the first time. Our protection broke, and I bought a plan b. Everything was fine, at least for me. He freaked out, and I ended up taking 9 pregnancy tests (per his request) in the span of January to two weeks ago. And even then, during our break up he was asking me if my menstrual cycles are regular and if I actually took the pregnancy tests. His anxiety is awful. Now, he requested me to go see a doctor to find out if I was pregnant, in which if I said no, he threatened to call my mom about the situation. I ended up lying about going to the doctor, and I never told him until last night.

And context to before all of this, we dated my junior year of high school and his sophomore year of high school (2023), we would go out on dates and even went to prom together. This lasted about four months. When he broke up with me, he ended up telling me he just didn't have feelings and didn't want to be in a relationship.

Moving forward, I texted him a couple more times and we would talk for a few weeks and then stop talking, this cycle repeated itself until January 2025 to present day. Every time I would reach back out, he would boast about how he missed me and wanted to try and talk again. But, when it gets serious, he runs.

I just don't understand why I could never get him to stay, yet he kept coming back into my life. Obviously there's so much more than this that I can fit into one post but I am truly at a loss.