She’s coming to meet the baby…

So I’m going to try to make this short but I doubt I will succeed. So my husband and I eloped at the end of 2023. We were planning on moving in with his mother to save money for a year or two so we could afford to buy our own house and start a family and on our way there we eloped.

When she found out she was angry and made a huge deal about not being there. We told her it wasn’t a big deal we didn’t want it to be a big deal and the only people there were my uncle who is a judge and married us and some relatives that lived in that town because they lived there.

She wanted to have a big party for us at her house and we said she could even though we really didn’t want all that we figured if it would make her happy then why not celebrate it with my husbands friends and family since some of my family got to celebrate us. No big deal.

Life moved on I found 2 jobs and was liking them, applied to school and got accepted and my husband had multiple interviews set up. We were really starting our lives.

Before we moved in I asked a lot of questions to make sure this was a good move for us. Including making sure her boyfriend wasn’t drinking anymore. I am in recovery and can’t really be around drinking it’s not safe for me and I explained in detail that we would need to just find a different place to live if it wasn’t safe for me. She reassured me that I had nothing to worry about that she used to be in AA and knew how important it was. About a week into being there I smelled alcohol on him and I didn’t say anything. I leaned hard into AA and tried to remember that if he was hiding booze as long as I didn’t see it I would be okay. A couple days later she finds a bottle and it got ugly. We got in a huge fight we thought she was going to kick him out but turns out this just happens every few months and she wanted her son to move back in with her so she lied to me without a care at all how important my safety in sobriety is. It was a mess but I kept going to meetings and just thought to myself we will find out own place asap and make this work.

Then we find out through the grapevine that she is engaged to this boyfriend and my husband tells her he won’t go to the wedding that she is making a huge mistake marrying this loser and a couple days later she kicks us out in the middle of winter. Gives us 10 days to get out we have nowhere to go because we just spent all our money moving across the country to live there so we had to pack up all our stuff quit my jobs, cancel his interviews, pull myself out of school and go stay with friends and family.

We picked ourselves up but it was really stressful when it happened and we cut her out of our lives. This was my DH idea and we thought we’d never look back. Well we decided to start trying for a baby because we wanted kids soonish and I was told by a Dr that I might have pcos so I thought it would take us some time to conceive and first try we got pregnant. We still had no intention of getting ahold of her well turns out I didn’t qualify for paid maternity leave or short term disability and we just didn’t think we could afford maternity leave at all so we reached out to her because she had told us she had some money for us “for a down payment for a house” it’s nowhere near that amount but enough for us to be able to have 3 months maternity leave comfortably. So she’s been helping us. She sent a long apology letter trying to get us to move back in with her because turns out my dh was right about her new husband being a loser. We told her the only way we would move in to that house is if she sold it to us and she decided to stay with her loser and we just don’t talk about him anymore.

Anyway she’s completely manipulative still and really didn’t learn anything so we keeping some pretty solid boundaries but let her FaceTime weekly to see her grandchild and somehow because it’s important to my husband’s other family and she helps us out financially we agreed to let her come meet her grandchild in person for a weekend if she got her own place and rented her own car. Of course she booked the flight for 5 days instead of the weekend and we’re completely dreading and regretting our decision to let her come.

Now that I’ve written this all out I don’t really know what I’m asking for advice-wise. Maybe just some ideas on how to get through it without freaking out on her. She is so annoying and selfish and just plainly not a good person but according to my husband she was a good mother to him when he was a kid she’s just grown into kind of an asshole boomer type so he thinks she will be a good grandmother to our child so here we are.