I want to quit...but don't want to

I got back into it again.

Towards the end of last year, I figured out my winning formula. I was hooked onto weed for the majority of last year - I was ripping 10 bowls (tobacco mixed) a day for 5 months straight. With my winning formula, I managed to quit for 100 days straight and didn't even look back.

Certain life stressors happened and I smoked again. This time, it feels like I gave up. I know what I need to do to quit. However, a part of me is content.

I'm lazy. I'm not eating well. I'm not cleaning myself well. My place resembles a sty. But...I'm comfortable. I recently received a promotion - completely undeserved. I've been slacking off at work, doing the absolute bare minimum. They laid off a few people as well. Despite that, just by keeping appearances up, I received a promotion. Imagine, in this economy.

They opened up a new dispensary right across the street as well. If I ever run out, I only need to put on pants and walk across the street. And boom, $20 later, I've got enough flower to last me for the next 2 weeks. They run discounts, these new people.

It honestly feels like I've quit on quitting. The last few times I wanted to quit, I was constantly trying to enact a plan, and improving upon the plan. I was looking at what I did wrong the last time, and made sure structures were in place and I actually managed to quit successfully. This time, I'm not even implementing the plant.

Then why am I writing all this if I don't want to quit? Because something in me still wants to quit and try life again.

Can someone help talk me through this?