trying to cope with dysphoria being broke :/

Hello!

Im 20MTF (also enby hehe), and like, I’m only really in the beginning of my true transition, still waiting to get on hormones.

I have some feminine clothes that make me feel better, like a skirt, stockings (too sensory overstimulating for me), leggings, shorts, etc that are more affirming, but for fucks sake the masc tops are all I have. I have a bra and like a few crop tops to work with but they’re hard to style in.

I want to find shirts I could crop and stuff, but I’m not sure how to make it more femme even then. When I look in the mirror, I don’t want to simply see a “gay dude”. I want to see myself how I feel inside: obviously, as a pretty woman.

I don’t know how to go about with not just like passing as more femme pre-estrogen, but like able to present and feel more affirmed in femininity with my face, my body isn’t so hard to work with, but I’m unemployed and barely able to ever make money because both my car isn’t working, and I have BPD which makes keeping work and getting jobs very difficult except every once in a while. I’m not making excuses, I’m trying every now and then but my condition is really impacting my mental health, and working on top of fear of not passing is messing with me a lot.

The dysphoria has become more and more crippling every time I have to boymode, and I have to shave pretty much every day, like a lot of AMABs have to, I’m aware. I’m worried. I have so many financial barriers to actually being able to fully affirm myself, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep seeing the same “guy” in the mirror, coming off as a femme man and not what I actually am.

What things, small things even, could I try and do to help me present more in line with my gender? I want to pass, and I want to actually feel happy in my body and clothes.

Tl;dr- i’m broke, how does MTF work with what she has, and the makeup she has but can’t style right?