I want to go No Contact with my Filipino mother

I (29, TM) want to go NC with my mother, with some limited contact with my father.

I like my extended family, and trust a number of my maternal cousins. I have yet to find out who from my paternal cousins are worth trusting. I do not trust most aunts and uncles, not even my Ninang (Godmother).

I have not come out to my paternal cousins. My mother outed me against my will to my Godmother, and my Godmother couldn't understand why I quit the job at the same institution as her. I hated that job, but took it anyway because it made my parents happy that I was working at the same place as my Godmother.

I never came out to her. Because my mother outed me to her without asking me first. My mother does not understand that coming out is a choice and not an obligation to family.

My mother thinks my honesty is a virtue when it only hurts me because she will use it to control me or cage me anyway.

My mother does not respect my secrets. Or my belongings.

My mother is a helicopter mother who has:

(1.) meddled in my personal relationships by being overbearing, overwhelming me with uncharitable and cruel takes on people in my life, and being overprotective the moment she thinks someone isn't good for me (1.a.) saying which "best friend" of mine she prefers, the one she prefers is no longer my best friend because of how she is similarly harsh towards me and used to relegate my own mother's failed parenting, so parentifying my then best friend whenever I'd have a meltdown, isolate myself and refuse to talk to my parents (1.a.i.) Ex best friend would be asked to check on me in case I s/h'd or "did something stupid". Same person now goes to my house for my mother's business as a customer, and my mom would tell me to go upstairs to avoid ex best friend (1.a.ii.) My mother would bug me to reconcile with her, as if she is the superior choice compared to the other (also no longer) best friend. She even goes as far as saying she is so mature and she likes her for that reason. She does not understand that my then friend is "mature" because she too had to parent her manchild father. (1.b.) My mother painted ex best friend 2 as a snake and traitor who dated my long time then boyfriend now ex. Ex best friend 1 ate up this b.s. from my mom. Because ex best friend 1 doesn't like ex best friend 2. both ex best friend 1 and my mom call ex best friend 2 unreliable, fake, pretentious, etc. (1.b.i.) My mother and father would double down on how much of a snake ex best friend 1 is and how I shouldnt be trying to make amends with her because of her dating my ex. An imposition of their values on mine. "Best friends shouldn't date their best friend's exes". They disliked my ex boyfriend for differences in values, then drilled it into my head that he is a pompous rich asshole.

Whether or not it is true, I feel like a lot of my decisions in life are not truly my own.

(2.) stunted my growth, academic and career-wise - my mother insisted I stay in my college which is closer to my house because she sincerely believed I couldn't handle the state university's culture and the distance of the commute. I only learned how to commute when I started working in an industry unrelated to a course I chose for myself. My father was open to the idea of letting me transfer universities. Then he caved and deferred to whatever she wanted.

(2.a.) Constantly nagged me to get a "normal" 9-5.

(3.) polices my clothes, my hair, my spending - I will never forget the day she scolded me for trying to alter a pair of capri pants into a style I wanted. She said I was wasting her money.

Any amount of spending is a huge waste to her. Any form of asking for help from people who wouldn't mind helping me? Its embarassing. Everything is embarassing.

I quit telling her my plans. I quit being loud at home about my personal plans. Then she's going to ask "I thought you're going to cut your hair..." Or "I thought you're growing your hair out".

Forces me to accept her hand me downs even if I had already socially transitioned or come out to her. Couldn't say no long ago because she will push and push and give all sorts of reasons why I should keep her stupid clothes.

(4.) cannot accept my truest self She cannot accept that I am a trans man, still effeminate, or poly, or whatever else I am.

(5.) Says her worst traits are in me, only far worse - says the lady who shops a lot, hundreds of shoes for outings that happen with rich friends, shit tons of clothes "just for herself". Says the lady who doesn't go to therapy and jokes about retail therapy being enough. Says the lady who cheated on my father.

I am not enough for my mother. Never will be. Ever. That's why I dream of cutting her off for good one day.