Pluralphobia? (Yet again)

Its me again, the singlet who is extremely averse to anything regarding plurality.

Incase you dont know my last post, i am not phobic in the sense that i think anyone that is plural is lesser, i respect everyone in this community, i despise the stereotyping and demonising of systems more than anything.

I am simply afraid of the subject matter i suppose? Of course, mostly because of bad association; most of my experiences with plurality have been followed up by moments of despair and general anxiety and panic. So, i am not surprised plurality has me so afraid.

Unfortunately, this really is affecting my relations. My lover insists they are plural (they could be, i don't know how their brain works. Best to respect it) and the subject freaked me out so bad i dissociated and turned into this cold, curious freak that disregarded feeling and instead focused on how interesting studying someone plural can be. Of course, i wanted to know more because i love them. But my mind knew i couldn't handle feeling anything in this moment, if i lost myself to shaking fits, That would be shameful to the deepest degree. So i flavoured it into something i knew i could handle.

This didn't do any good though. We had gone into a small argument due to my instability of self and my sudden change in humanity and personality. Of course, i explained myself the best i could, and all seemed well. So i fell asleep feeling nothing. But today i woke up and it seemed my beliefs changed overnight. Despite my stomachaches and nausea. I find i physically cannot bring myself to feel anything over their plurality lest it is being physically taken down (such as suddent exhaustion, weakness, anxiety pains) It's fascinating, sure. But it's absolutely terrifying.

I suppose i just needed a place to express my woes.