I've been treating my father like shit becase he is shit and it's been eating me

My father got really sick since the start of last year and until now, he needs more attention as he is still suffering from the after effects of it all and since he is now a dialysis patient. The thing is, last year, my life has been shit as well because of this event, as I was too fell ill due to his illness being passed to me. Other than that, I had to look after him most of the time, many times even failing to take care of myself. Despite all the sacrifices I, my mother, and my siblings are doing for him, I caught him still cheating with my mother's colleague multiple times since last year. I told him many times already how shit he is, rying in front of him begging for him to stop, told him how mad I am to him, and all other things I thought of to convince him to fucking care about how we felt about his affairs. I lost my temper in December when I caught him again messaging his mistress even after a year of his life being uncertain, in a time leading up to christmas which should have been merry, leading to my birthday, and when his mother and siblings even went to our place from all the way from their province. I told him I stopped caring about him, and could only afford to be civil with him, make the minimum effort to care for him in his state, and leave actually caring for him to my other family members and his caregiver. Since then, I would always give him the cold treatment, I almost never initiate talking to him, and when he talks to me, I would always talk in a mean way. I'm not doing this on purpose tbh, I'm just really mad at him all this time. The effects on my life of his state is shit until now, I'm not even able to go to my work to report at the minimum days per week the company asks, as I need to attend to the house while he is still in his ill state. I barely go anywhere not necessary. Now, the said caregiver of his went back home to his province and we are having trouble finding for someone to replace him, and I and my mother are back to attending to him, which is a lot of work. I'm stressed for a while now becase of how things are going lately, and everything is hitting me now. I feel so bad about how I treat him, but I'm still really upset about everything and I can't get myself to give him any respect. I just realized that all this has been eating up on me, given that I still live with him under the same roof, and still treat him like shit. Reflecting on the time since last year, it really looks like I've grown grumpier, much more time being upset in general, and not enjoying things properly. I wish I could get away from all this, man.