Everybody gets bored all the time, right?

Just so you know, I'm a great GM. I've mastered dozens, if not hundreds of systems, just to see if they're any good, all of them with my own great stories and worlds, because I'm also a writer.

To make things clear, I wouldn't touch D&D or pathfinder with a ten foot pole, they're all to commercial and popular. When I do fantasy it has to be some indy gem, like Lamentations of the Flame Princess or completely unknown things like Sybaroum. Pretty much everything that I can get in bundles for cheap, run a one shot in and then criticise for the rest of time. And don't get me started on that fascism simulation that is WH40k, I have to tell one of my players not to read those novels because I don't like the setting.

Anyway, I wanted to run a VtM game, especially V5, because I like the new hunger dice and social map mechanics, even though they they try to cram all that woke stuff like gays and transsexuals down my throat with all the new supplements, no wonder the internet hates Parallax now, White Wolf at least was normal and published excellent stories with nice punk goth chicks.

I was so gracious to let my players choose the time and location. I shouldn't have bothered, but I decided on present day Paris and that they were Anarchs from totally different countries and were on a mission from their respective sires to discredit or kill the resident elder vampires, because they were Nazi collaborators during WW II. What more motivation would you need?

Two players bailed after the first session, ungrateful sods. Not being able to clear one measely day per month because of being newly wed and renovating an old house? Dead to me. At least I had enough guinea pigs to continue, even if another, who I added later, aldo ran, because he felt sad all the time. Total wuss, didn't even thank me for all my time.

So they meandered for quite some time, as if they didn't have a clear goal, but finally infiltrated a firm of one of the elders. Your typical unethical biolab, think Umbrella Corporation from RE, great games by the way, they just need to make the female characters way more sexy. But I had to put them to sleep, because they didn't enter the way I wanted them to, and I told them exactly that after the session.

So the next session they awoke in front of an old castle, where they had to do some point-and-click logic puzzles, all very spooky gothic horrors and watched some of their social contacts snuff it, just because I wanted to see how those mental scars work mechanicly.

After waaay to many sessions (my players just aren't bright), they reach the boss, an elder Malcavian, 20 ft tall and on a golden throne, and after some very witty and charismatic banter from my side, they really try to fight that god. Of course they get obliterated by his unlimited counter moves and mind lances. Why do they even try to kill him?

Just to keep the story going I tell them that they're back to day 2 and everything during the last months ingame (roughly 2 years rl) was all in the Malkavian's mind palace. Of course they had to keep all of their trauma an injuries. Just because it wasn't real doesn't mean the characters don't have to suffer.

One of the remaining players had the nerve to quit shortly after, because he felt the story went nowhere and I wasn't giving out tips. What more do you need to know than "Nazis"? It's so obvious. Or it was something about his parents dying and him feeling sad. That old chestnut again.

Well, after all that unsubstantiated whining I got bored and am about to start something new with random internet strangers. Think Dante's Inferno, but every ring of hell has it's own game system. I bet the players will be thrilled to experience such novelty.

I need to close now, I just noticed somebody used an old ip for a new cartoon, and I bet it's not exactly like the version from the 80s, with unsexy females or other woke crap. I need to prep my yellin' keyboard.

We'll talk soon, if I'm in the mood. xoxo