I want to cry but I cant

I did something terrible. I can't escape from it. Life is hard and you can never go back to prevent yourself from making mistakes. Its so harsh. The only relief I feel is in denying it happened and accepting that I won't do it again. Some days I dont think about it. Today though, has been very difficult. I hate myself deeply, Id do anything to go back. I can't face my friends or parents. Im glad that people are unaware that I might've affected them, they can go on living their life. I can't. It hurts really bad, I want to be a kid again. Kids get a pass to make mistakes. I don't. I just want love and comforting, but I don't deserve it.