29M — My wife of two years wants kids. I always thought I did too… until recently.

Hey everyone,

I’m 29, male, and married to an amazing woman. We’ve been together for a while and married for two years. She’s clear about wanting kids, and up until recently, I thought I was too. We even had a timeline—we were supposed to start trying soon. But as the date got closer, something shifted.

It hit hardest after my grandfather passed away. It triggered a lot of reflection about life, legacy, and how I was raised. I grew up with a lot of love, but also a lot of instability—food stamps, financial stress, generational trauma. My parents were doing their best, but I saw firsthand how hard life can hit when you’re always one emergency away from falling apart. I promised myself I’d build something different—something peaceful, stable, and free.

And I’ve done that. I’m a high earner, work remotely, and have crafted a life I love—traveling, spending time outdoors, lifting, fishing, enjoying time with my wife just… breathing. The closer we got to actually having a kid, the more it started to feel like I’d be giving all of that up. Like I’d be stepping back into a life of constant stress, but this time I’d be responsible for someone else’s everything. And I’m scared I’d lose myself—or worse, regret it.

Part of what’s hard is realizing how much my upbringing still affects me. I think I’ve learned to be selfish in order to survive—and now it’s hard to turn that off. My wife has pointed it out too. She’s done more of the emotional and logistical heavy lifting in our relationship, especially while I was getting my CPA. And honestly, I got used to that. I’ve grown, but there’s still a part of me that resists the kind of selflessness parenting seems to require.

I also realized I’m not a 100% enthusiastic yes. I want to want it, but I don’t feel that deep pull people talk about. And it feels dangerous to move forward with something so permanent when you’re not all in.

But I also might regret not having kids. I love my nieces and nephews. I love the idea of family, of passing something on. I think I would be a fantastic father and my wife would be an amazing mother. It’s just… I’m not feeling the full-body “yes” that I feel like I’m supposed to. And the clock is ticking. We’ve agreed that if I decide I’m not in, we’ll go our separate ways next year. Heartbreaking.

If I stay childfree, maybe I’ll stay single, travel more, spend holidays with family, keep building a life of freedom and peace. But what if I’m just scared of the commitment? What if I’m missing out on a deeper part of life?

So I’m here to ask: • Has anyone gone from “sure I want kids” to “actually… maybe not” when it got real? • Did your upbringing shape that? • Did anyone choose the childfree path and feel peace—or regret? • And did anyone say yes to kids despite fear or doubt, and it turned out okay?

Thanks for reading this far. I’d love to hear any perspective.

TL;DR: 29M, married 2 years. Always thought I wanted kids, but as the time to try got closer (and after my grandpa passed), I started questioning everything. Grew up with love but lots of instability—I built a peaceful, free life and I’m scared kids would unravel that. I’ve realized I’ve become selfish in ways that still show up in my marriage. I’m not a 100% enthusiastic yes about parenting, and that worries me. But I’m also scared I’ll regret not doing it. Wife definitely wants kids, and we’ve agreed we’ll separate if I decide against it by next year. Would love to hear from others who’ve wrestled with this.