AITAH for confronting my father-in-law after he said I caused my wife’s life-threatening illness?

A while ago, my wife was hospitalized twice with bacterial meningitis—she nearly died. More recently, she told me that her dad (a practicing physician) has been calling me a “covert narcissist” and even claimed that my narcissism was responsible for her illness.

He never said any of this to my face—it was all behind my back, along with other personal criticisms that have apparently been circulating for some time.

For context, this isn’t a one-off. My father-in-law has a habit of making condescending, backhanded remarks—often under the guise of being “general” or helpful. For example: after asking what my degree was in (political science), he followed up minutes later with a comment about how people with social science degrees rarely have meaningful careers and are some of the most unhappy people he knows.

A few weeks ago, I sent him a direct text confronting what he said about me and told him I thought it was best we keep some distance unless something changes. When I told my wife I’d sent it, she was upset—not necessarily because of what I said, but because I stirred the pot.

AITA for standing up for myself instead of just letting it slide?

Here’s the message I sent:

“[Your daughter] mentioned that you’ve referred to me as a ‘covert narcissist’ and suggested I’m solely responsible for her meningitis—among other things. I’m struggling to understand how these kinds of accusations are justified—or constructive—especially when they were made behind my back instead of coming to me directly.

Moving forward, I hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself without putting others down. It would be nice to have a more positive relationship, but for now, I think it’s best to maintain some distance.”