It's okay

It occurs to me my behavior left you on the ledge. Unsure of my feelings for you.

I tried to explain that I have a disorder but you just don't see it that way. That's sad. I wish you knew how much you mean to me while I work through my trauma. I am not my trauma. I am my own person.

I miss you...but I will keep focusing on me. Feel bad I put so much into the stuff I sent today.

I feel like I deserve the energy. But...maybe just I didn't throw it into a dark pit and what I said meant something to you. I'm just not 100% sure. So I asked but who knows if you'll answer. Or if you'll let everything we have left die.

It doesn't seem to me like it should die. You helped me and I helped you. We need a fresh start. Something with no end goal.

But...if I'm kept wondering if I'm bothering you and no clear indication of what you want I will take my energy and use it elsewhere. I'm not going to give like I did before. It's gotta be mutual give and take.

I hope you're well and I hope you have a great mother's day. I think me and Aaron made my mom cry with our cards. We love her so much. I feel so lucky for what I do have.

Gonna start working on a marcille cosplay! Daniel and wants to drag me to a convention. He lost his mma match last night and had a busted up face. He makes me feel like a great friend and was really happy for my company. We mostly just talked. He offered to look into work for me at the court house. That would epic.

My life is good. But better when you're part of it.

I miss you. I think I'm starting to understand your feelings bit by bit. You and I matter in all this. I'm ready to let go if you decide and I'm ready to stay if you can show me how. But if we can't collaborate on this and it's me alone...that's backwards. That's not how a relationship works. Give and take...