No one understands how embarrassing it is.

No one understands how embarrassing it is to have dermatillomania. When you spend ages in front of the mirror and come out with a red face and blood under your nails. It’s so humiliating and embarrassing. And makeup doesn’t work. It just gets stuck in my pores and scabs and it looks weird.

I am not exited for summer because that means I have to show my ugly gross scars and scabs all over my back, shoulders, arms and chest. It’s so embarrassing and I feel so much shame.

It’s not getting better. It never is. It’s a continuous cycle that is impossible to break out of. Therapy can only do so much. I feel hopeless. I’ll never get better.

I spend hours everyday just picking at my skin. All of those hours I could’ve done something else. Something that isn’t causing me to hate myself. Half of my shirts are blood stained because I can’t stop. Im picking all the time. I probably spend longer picking than not. It does so Im late for stuff. Even stuff I enjoy.

People can say they understand, but in reality they just say it because they have to. I don’t want people to pity me. I want to be normal.