Please read, I’m starting to give up

You say to ride it out, that it gets better with time. You say to practice healthy/mindful masturbation. My libido isn’t there. I can’t even masturbate. Between this and my depression I never actually want sex and don’t even want to date because of it. The two times in the last five months I’ve gotten my dick wet were pathetic embarrassments. The first time I barely got hard enough to penetrate and was half flaccid the whole three minutes. The second time was the exact same. Without constant stimulation, it fades.

When I’m alone I have to gaslight myself into thinking I’m horny to even stand a chance. I literally cannot bring myself to try anymore. I’ve been porn free since February save for a single relapse.

I was on SSRIS for a year and a half and I’ve been in Wellbutrin for around one year now. This is probably a syndrome of PSSD, depression, and anxiety. At this point, porn does still brick me up. So I guess it’s that too. But aside from not consuming, I can’t do anything about it. I don’t have money for therapy. I can’t “stay in the moment” and I can’t get fucking horny.

All of you say it’s just a flatline and that within a few months to a year it will gradually come back. Truth is I started this shit in October but had too many relapses to really call it my starting point. I hate myself and I hate my dick. I don’t want to be put in viagra, that’s pathetic. Yes, I’ve read your brain on porn. Every time I’m in bed I’m so fucking nervous and uninterested at the same time.

I could really use some anecdotal advice from people who’ve gone through what I am right now. I’m close to giving up.