Need your honest guidance

I joined a PSU in IT in 2023. My mother and me had a terrible relationship since childhood and she kicked me out of her home before l joined. I really wanted to rent a flat but my maternal Grandma forced me to move in with her.

Initially l tried my best to adjust, buying her dresses when she wore torn ones, trying to be nice and accommodating. But then the unthinkable happened. She started accusing me of stealing money and things from her on a regular basis, and intermittently asked me to leave her home.

I had no idea where she even kept her purse plus earned well enough to support my needs. To anyone thinking l could have actually done it, I have won medals for good conduct in both school and college.

Meanwhile, at work, l could not deliver the project l was assigned in 7 months,in spite of being given multiple chances. In March-April 2024 l was kinda running from pillar to post applying for places to stay. (I could not stay in my office area as it has a very bad reputation throughout the state and nobody stayed there).

I know l should have started much earlier but had kind of thought that it will be very difficult for me to live alone as a woman.

Then in late April 2024, l had an ankle fracture and communicated to office that l will be absent for 3 months along with the prescription of the doctor prescribing bed rest for 2 months plus 1 month for recuperation.

My grandmother tortured the hell out of me at this time.

After returning my immediate superior said he will not get any work done out of me and to go to another company. I tried to find work l could do and reached out to my next higher superior who declined everything before finally giving me 1 month to complete the same project l was assigned in October 2023. I also got a HR warning letter threatening action for my non-performance last year.

Meanwhile l had got allotment to a 1 RK unfurnished flat but knew moving in and setting up my flat will take up a lot of time so thought l will somehow coast my home and finish this project anyhow. Big mistake it was! At office l uses to worry about where l would go after logout time and even would contemplate spending the night at Howrah station but couldn’t due to safety reasons.

I could not deliver the project in 1 month as l committed. My 2nd superior asked me to continue on the project, but the 1st superior assigned it to an outsourced developer who completed it in a few days.

After that, l ended up moving out from Grandma' home to my allotted flat on rent. At office people kept directly and indirectly telling l am incapable of any work and complaining after every quarter. Nobody assigns me any tasks as such.

CGM and GM HR had separately called me into their office and politely asked me to do work.

From 6 April 2025 to till date l have been absent from office (daily messaging my superior that l will be absent for the day and him seeing it so can'tsay l have been absconding) because l am secretly building a project to show for April's APAR. It was one of the assigned tasks last year that l could not get started on,and till 4 April 2025 l did not hear of anyone doing it. I setup office portal at home to do it. Can't inform anyone as if my immediate superior gets to know he'll just assign it to someone else.

Staying at my rented flat while not going to office for this 1 month, it feels l have got true peace for the first time in my life. Have adopted a cat who was abandoned. The peace is so addictive.

But l just can't continue. CGM PA called on 5 May 2025 and understandably was very harsh, told CGM wants to immediately talk to me, ll told l'll be re-joining and going to him on 13 May 2025.

I know l should never have let my personal issues affect my work but seriously when the roof over the head becomes a question mark l could not think of anything else. In office everybody seems to have stable families and childhood, as they take things for granted that was a luxury for me.

To anyone who read upto here, thanks. I considered becoming a maidservant or something, somewhere people don't think l am incapable. At 26 years of age my career has hit an end. In the past, during my final year of BCA my Python and PHP teachers used to praise my coding in practical classes so l thought l am a fit for a coding career but God knows now.

I don't know what l am fit for (career counselling had Said IT). I did try reaching out to personal counselling helplines to vent about my personal issues but met a dead end. In school my mother had gone and complained about me. The school counsellor after talking to me had asked me to call the Childline. My mother had ended up confiscating my phone.

Tldr: Forced to live with my Grandma in 2023 when l joined PSU. For next 1.5 years I messed up my career while enduring severe threats and abuse from her. Although moved out in Dec 2024, I am now being absent from office for a month with daily message to my superior that l will be absent. CGM had already given me a chance in January after getting a complaint from my deptt to remove me. CGM will take action for sure when l meet him day after tomorrow.