ROCD makes me feel incapable of unconditional love

I feel like I’m not capable of loving a person for THEM and their character. Once the relationship becomes more serious all I can focus on is their appearance, how much money they make, their job, how they dress, how we “appear” together (if their attractive enough), etc.

The guy I’m dating is literally the textbook definition of what women pray for in a partner. Kind, attentive, patient, providing, yearns…. But my brain seems to not care about any of that because yesterday he got a haircut and my first instinct was to end everything?? Like that is genuinely INSANE

I feel like I’m incapable of unconditional love because my love seems to come with 9000 conditions and that makes me up. People talk all the time about falling in love with someone for who they are and how they treat them but to my brain those things just seem not to matter and i hate it. Hell I’ve actually felt more connection with men that treated me POORLY

I feel destined to be alone forever or with a man I never feel true unconditional love for - FUCK OCD