I'm so hypersexual that I feel digusting (TW, SA)

I never felt pretty, the only times I ever felt pretty was when I got Sa which fucked up my mental health bad. Now I feel like the only why I can be pretty is by sexualizing myself, but I also wanna wait till marriage before even doing anything with anyone. and every guy I dated was a pervert because (im plus size) and they just want me to send. Is there anyway I can distract myself from anything sexual. I really wanna change it's just hard and everytime I do something I feel like such a gross pig.