I ended a relationship of 10 years because I'm addicted to porn

Title. I don't even know where to start. We started dating in high school. I intended to marry her but was dragging my feet out of some sense of "I need to get over my addiction first". That never happened, and eventually she found out. That was last October. The last 7 months have been hell, I've lost most of friends and pretty much go to work then come home to my apartment and think about how much I hate myself. I don't see myself ever having a relationship or even being happy again, I don't think I could let myself be happy. I don't deserve it.

I guess I'm asking for how to start living again, I feel like my life is passing me by, I dont know how to make friends, I don't know how to be single and have a social life. I can't afford therapy even though I probably need it pretty badly.