What to do about a relationship that feels so transactional?

I (28f) and my husband (34m) have been married for one year together for 8. We love each other and I know he loves me. But it feels so transactional. For instance, he keeps a list of money I owe him. I pay the majority of rent and all of utilities. I earn more than him so I don’t mind. But I hate this list he has. For instance, if he goes to Walmart and buys me cereal, I am paying that back right down to the cent and tax. He said it’s my fault since I don’t want a joint bank account.

But I didn’t want one because he was trying to tell me how much I could pocket for “fun money” which would really just be money I spend on my nails occasionally or clothes and I didn’t want to be controlled especially when I work really hard and went back to school and am paying my school loans back all by myself and he didn’t help me when I didn’t work for two years during school and still expected me to pay more in rent during that time.

He also only ever touches me when we are going to be intimate. For example, today, I placed my head on his chest while we were laying in bed and he told me to move because I was in the spot where he was gonna put his Cheetos. I am starting to really miss having a spark and feeling a connection and I don’t know what to do?

We have gone to therapy but just twice and for a different reason of him talking to me rudely and everything being a him vs me with him wanting to be right. We didn’t go again because it was expensive, I had to pay for it, and he was acting like a him vs me with the therapist and talking about trivial things like how he doesn’t want to celebrate holidays because it is trivial based on his principals.

Tl;dr; what do I do in this situation to make the relationship feel less transactional? Should I just agree to pay for more so maybe the list can go away?