Extreme anxiety relating to obscenity law please help

Location: FL USA

From when I was 10-17 (i am now 18) I didn’t know anything about obscenity law and would just read any manga I wanted, look at any fanart/fanfiction, downloaded it and even sent it to my friends until i was about 16 (we are all the same age, mostly classmates). Majority wasn’t explicit or anything, but some was and now that i have learned of the miller test, i worry some of it is obscene.

Now normally i wouldnt care as much but since i was very little ive had a fixation of csa. And not just a hobby. I have ASD (diagnosed, level 2) and this has been a lifelong obsession, one of the symptoms of the disorder being restricted and intense interests. I literally would be watching like disney’s aladdin at 5 or whatever and the only thing that would get my attention was like, jafar kidnapping jasmine. It’s always been like this, and it just increased exponentially since i discovered the internet. It got even more intense when, after being really treated badly for this (turns out you probably shouldn’t talk about reading lolita in your 6th grade classroom) an adult “friend” did some illegal sexual things im not gonna go in detail with and i just accepted it because i was convinced i was bad too. and i really miss the person but i know its wrong. I tend to become obsessed with anything bad that happens to me. And turn it into a fantasy so i can like it instead of hating it. So that really increased everything.

and while i dont specifically have a targetted interest in perverted or explicit art/writing about csa (i read literature, watch documentaries, and my own drawings/writings usually aren’t perverse) i also didn’t make a discrimination for what OTHERS were creating in terms of fictional characters—dynamics that i could relate to, i just liked seeing them portrayed in general…even if i thought someone’s art was too lewd but not analytical enough, i could just intepret it how i wanted to. I didnt know that fiction could be illegal.

This is something that while I’m not sure was dirextly caused by my own experiences with sexual abuse, has helped me with my feelings immensely. I liked to put all my gross and icky feelings into the minds of characters who could be all fucked up and self destructive so that I wouldn’t get myself hurt in their place. It helps.

some people found it distasteful but no one said it was illegal to me, and majority of my friends dont reallt care after 7 years. Some people would even go as far as to say the protect act was deemed unconstitutional (but in reality it was only one small part that didnt require obscenity for a conviction) and no one contested. So i didnt know

But the minute i found out about obscenity law i went up to the police station myself and just asked about it. He asked “well are they having sex in the art?” And i couldnt really think of anything with that in my gallery at least (later i realized there was a little bit of stuff like that and deleted it) i didnt generally like to save hardcore stuff to my device and 99.9% of my gallery was PG. the end the guy told me “just delete anything youre worried about and dont stress yourself”

Going forward, i am afraid because i get extreme anxiety about even drawing anything remotely sexual with underage characters, thinking itll garner suspicion, even if its to cope or if its explicit. It’s having a detrimental affect on my health. My entire life has been changed because of this. I dont know if anyone here has ASD but having your restricted interest torn away and realizing that the government would, even if it helps you cope with abuse they couldnt protect you from, absolutely just give someone 5-20 years over said interest, feels detrimental. I get scared to even look at fanfiction I’m pretty sure isnt obscene (like there’s one i love that has a lot of smutty scenes but also really gets into worldbuilding and the psychological effects of the sexual trauma too, and the dynamics are pretty different from what i experiences but im in awe anyway, its so well done KYAAAAA) or look at sexual fanart that isn’t explicit (i was gushing over a kinda suggestive maid dress drawing before realizing, in horror, that my love for it could be used against me legally somehow since the characters were 14-15)

There was even a comic i wanted to draw that was somewhat autobiographical but i fear it because of a scene where the main character is nude in a sexual context at 14, and i fear making a reference sheet, too—she portrays herself sexually despite it being unhealthy for her, but i cant portray that in a reference sheet! It would be lewd display of the genitals.

But even aside from all that, my biggest worry is about the past. From 14-16 i had a friend overseas who was similar to me—had autism, too, was my age, and we were both hopelessly obsessed with an (ostensibly abusive) ship from our favorite manga, and we sent fanart, called almost every night, you get it. But again we sent some explicit art to each other and didnt know about obscenity. Yeah, the underage characters were generally in our age range (like 14-15) but i think i could still get in trouble, no? The statute of limitations for this is 5 years. I could be arrested at any time now.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

I can maybe survive in the future. I dont even need explicit art. yeah, ill be sad without my fanfics because some of them really were gorgeous…works of art (despite their lewdness) and ill be sad…and if i cant do that comic or go on pixiv ill be okay. I dont need it. I can read novels…

My big legal concern in the past…the statute of limitations isn’t over yet…what if police or the FBI sees text messages i sent to my friends from 1, 2, 3 years ago? I could be charged with obscenity involving a minor (even though i was a minor) and my life would be over. Even though i didnt even know about obscenity laws…

All my friends their moms and my mom say this isn’t anything to worry about and that my mental health is deteriorating at an alarming rate for no reason but ive been racked with anxiety and depression to the point where i no longer want to wake up. My life’s basically in shambles.

Basically my question…how much am I overthinking this? Is there any way i can determine “artistic value” to know what is ok to read/draw/look at? I want to emphasize that I wouldn’t ever intentionally do something i know is unlawful. But how do I stay lawful? What can I do? How can I be ok?