I think I’m leaning childfree—but the emotional pull still hits sometimes

Hey everyone,

I’m 29M, married to an incredible woman who really wants kids. We had a timeline to start trying soon, but as that date got closer, I started questioning everything. I always thought I wanted kids, but now that it’s real, I’m not so sure.

I grew up with love, but also a lot of instability—generational trauma, food stamps, financial stress. I worked hard to break that cycle. I became a CPA, I earn well, I work remotely, and I’ve built a peaceful life I genuinely enjoy. I travel, I fish, I lift, I breathe deeply with my wife. And lately I’ve been wondering—do I actually want to give all that up?

The honest truth? I don’t think I feel that full-body “yes” that parenting probably deserves. Sometimes I get hit in the chest with emotion—like, damn, I want to build a family and experience that love. But then I watch TikToks or read posts here and I feel this overwhelming sense of relief at the idea of not having kids. No diapers, no sleep deprivation, no anxiety about their safety, no financial drain. Just freedom. Space. Sanity.

My wife says I’ve been selfish in the relationship—she’s done more of the cooking, cleaning, emotional work. And yeah, I think that selfishness comes from my survival mode upbringing. I’ve gotten used to protecting my peace, even if it makes me hard to live with. It makes me wonder if I’m built for parenthood—or if I’d just lose myself and become resentful.

We’ve agreed that if I decide I don’t want kids by next year, we’ll split. And while that’s devastating, I also recognize how much I cherish the life I’ve built. I’m scared to blow it up chasing a version of love that might not land the way I imagine it.

So yeah. I think I’m leaning childfree. But those emotional waves still hit. Just trying to sit with all of it.

Would love to hear from others who felt this way—especially those who almost went for it but didn’t. Did the “what if” ever fade?