[35F] Living with 35M partner, but no marriage plans or emotional assurance — how do I decide if this relationship is still right for me long-term?

I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for 4 years and we’re currently living together (for 1 year). However, I’ve been feeling conflicted about our future and need advice from others who might have experienced similar situations.

Here are some of the issues I’m facing:

1. ⁠No plans of marriage. I’ve tried talking about marriage, but his response is always “I don’t know what to say” or “if I get pregnant, then we’ll get married.” This leaves me wondering if he’s just waiting for something to happen instead of actively planning a future together.
2. ⁠No presence on social media. He says he doesn’t believe in broadcasting our relationship online, only keeping it to close circles. This is fine, but it feels like he’s hiding me, and I don’t know where I stand.
3. ⁠Selective urgency with responsibilities. He’s been proactive in handling his parents’ health insurance issues, but when it comes to our relationship, there’s no sense of urgency. I overheard him arranging insurance for them because his mom is 66 and his dad is 61. It makes me feel like he’s more invested in his parents’ well-being than in planning for our future. no problem at all, I just feel I am the least priority.
4. ⁠50/50 on everything, even with his family’s expenses. We share everything, from gas and toll fees to groceries, and I don’t mind helping. However, it feels like I’m taking on wife duties (e.g., paying for family expenses) without the commitment of being treated as a wife.
5. ⁠“Actions speak louder than words.” He never says “I love you,” and claims that his actions should be enough. I understand actions matter, but it’s hard to feel loved when there’s no emotional reassurance.
6. ⁠Trust issues and privacy concerns. He cheated in the past, and I now find myself more anxious and suspicious. I’ve tried to rebuild trust, but even suggesting mutual access to certain things (e.g., tracking devices for his car) has led to arguments. He said he wants an AirTag but refused to let me log it into my phone — then bought one himself instead.

I admit I’ve changed too. I’ve become more confrontational and anxious — not the person I used to be. I know I’m responsible for how I react, but I also feel like the environment is feeding into my insecurities.

What I need help with: Given the lack of marriage plans, emotional openness, and long-term planning as a couple — how can I better assess whether this relationship is still aligned with the kind of future I want? I’d really appreciate advice from others who’ve navigated similar doubts in a long-term and live-in relationship.