I just wish I liked how I looked in my graduation picture

As shallow as it sounds, I literally felt like crying after taking my graduation picture. I was so upset I asked if it was possible to skip creative photo so I can go home.

Nearing the scheduled shoot for our batch, I was so nervous but I can’t really do much to prepare for it because I don’t know how to do hair and makeup so I had to settle with the team the graduation batch hired for that photoshoot. And unfortunately, they’re not really one to like customize the looks based in your features so you’ll look good. They just had this basic template look they follow, and it’s not like I know better to suggest or request things.

Other than that it’s difficult for me to speak up, I don’t really trust my own judgment and I am very indecisive, I’m also very uncomfortable in front of cameras. A really horrible mix for someone who simply wants to look decent for a milestone remembrance.

When I stood in front of the camera and saw my pictures on the monitor in front of me, not liking any of it. My hair was curled and completely hair sprayed off my face, something I wish I spoke up about. I wish I just told them not to do anything with my hair, or maybe just blow dry it or whatever it’s called. Because the makeup was already horrible, it didn’t do any good on my features at all, not even my eyes which I already really liked.

After taking the first set of photos I literally sat there for what felt like an hour dreading lining up for the next set of photos. As much as I was glad to be graduating, it’s just so upsetting how huge of a regret that day was for me. It was really important to me, I was literally praying that I’ll at least decent, not beautiful even, just decent enough that I’ll like how I look. Because I do sometimes like nice enough in photos, I wished that for my graduation, it’ll be like that at least. Even for just that occasion.

And now, my actual graduation is nearing and I’m realizing that not only will I be seeing that horrible picture of myself again, I’ll be also getting new horrible pictures of myself taken. Because of course, I still won’t look nice on that day because I don’t know what to do and how to do it, and it’s not like I have the money to have it done by a professional. I don’t know how to dress myself, I don’t know how to fix my hair or do my makeup.

I’ve been watching videos and trying to learn, I bought some stuff to try and practice makeup but it’s really not looking good still. Like, I get it, I’m not the most beautiful person in the world, but it would really help if I can at least look presentable on that day and have nice pictures taken. I sometimes like how I look in pictures, can’t I have that for my graduation, at least?