Can't Take This Shitty Existence Anymore

I'm going to give myself a fatal arrhythmia from Imodium. Just abusing it at high doses for a few weeks until it kills me. I can't take it anymore. Dealing with a breakup. Lost my best friend. Am broke and have no job. No emotional support. No nothing. If I had a gun I would immediately blow my brains out after posting this (I wish). Its so unfair I have to struggle without a job, have such difficulty getting one being a disgusting autistic piece of shit, and can't get the help I desperately need. I'm not going to suffer being dirt poor and alone any longer. Three weeks and I'll be dead from cardiac arrest. I hope it's sooner. I'll mutilate myself too. I'll be nothing by the time I croak. I'm fucking done.