How can I support my husband and his ketamine use

I am a 43 (F) and my 38 (M) husband began using ketamine therapy four years ago, Dr lead. Though I didn’t know much about it, and I wavered my support, I still supported it because he was meeting with a Dr. After some sessions it was helping him work through PTSD and for this I was grateful.

He then began using it at home microdosing. This made me more uncomfortable but he told me it’s temporary. He and the Dr said it would be used while meditating and I wouldn’t even notice a difference. But he was then using it while also drinking. I told him you’re not supposed to drink while using it but he often didn’t listen to me.

Fast forward to a few years later, he ran into a lot of health issues linked to other things, not ketamine. He got pancreatitis and has since stopped drinking, for the most part. He nearly lost his life last fall and a lot of secrets and lies he kept surfaced. It’s been a lot for us to work through but we continue to try.

The biggest problem when it comes to ketamine is that it’s now become something he has lied to me about multiple times. It’s very obvious when he’s using it, hence the slow speech, slow movements, bumping into things as he walks through the house. We have two kids and I don’t want them witnessing that, as they already have multiple times. I believe he is still unaware that they look at him differently when he is on it.

I am at the point where I think this may have a grip on him. Something that was helpful when Dr lead is not conducive to our home life and is something we have argued about many times. I still support him having treatment with a Dr but I don’t support it at home. I recently opened a package of ketamine he got prescribed and sent to our home and I wasn’t even angry, I was just sad. Is ketamine addictive? Am I dealing with an addiction of ketamine considering he keeps lying about it? Am I stupid for supporting this therapy if he has Dr lead sessions again? I love my husband and don’t see my world without him, but I also can’t live in a world where a drug comes before us.