just feeling rlly sad and have to vent if thats okay 3:

im sorry if this is incomprehensible i just need to get this out to people that get it.. i just want a caregiver so bad like a real one.. my daddy n i had a hard night last night n he was being kinda mean n he said he was sorry about it n told me it not my fault or anything but it just feel really really bad 3X i was really really excited for cuddles cos we were coming over to my house to cuddle and he was getting me rlly excited- but then it all went rlly bad cos he was already not in a very good mood n he had been stressed out with school n work n he been so busy and i mean thats okay with me and i didnt even expect to cuddle after- it just hurts extra extra bad cos i was just so happy n feeling really little and then it got rlly bad and i just shut down cause when things get stressful n scary and tense and upset in the car i tend to get really stressed out and triggered and quiet and i feel trapped and just want to crawl into a ball n cry 3: but i was trying to stay strong n i didnt bring any stuffies with me that night n i usually bring them everywhere so i was hugging a little plush he keep in his car but when we got my house he took it away n was being short with me and it just make me so so sad 333X

we got to my house n talked for jus a minute but he said he couldnt deal with it tn and left wif no cuddles 3,X so i just hurt all night n i tried my best to feel better but i already been fighting a crash out for the past week or so, so it was bound to happen and ofc i turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms n that just makes me feel icky n sad and stupid…

i was able to fall asleep tho but i woke up early just to check my phone if he messaged me but i havent been able to go back to bed and i just feel sad and anxious n my tummy hurt cause i feel sad. last night tho i just wanted any caregiver so bad, even if it was my best friend like i just wanted to hug her and cry, but no one else knows about my age regression stuff at all n im too scared to ever mention it n there never been a good time- but i ended up having a dream that my bf’s brother actually was okay being my caregiver n i just sat in his room n play with stuffies and do fun little stuff while someone watching me and taking care of me that all i want 3: but i woke up n still feel so sad about everything n icky n i just dont know what to do all i want is cuddle n love but idek the next time i get to see my bf and i just wanna cry and sit in my house and do nothing all day until i can cuddle him again 3: it just hurts so bad and thats about it.. life is hard n age regressions hard n i just feel so alone and sad n i cant help but age regress and i just wan help 3,,X