I need your help

Hi. This is a vent post so feel free to do the same.

I’m getting straight to the point. I’m 16 years old and I want to commit suicide. At least I think I want to because a part of me doesn’t want that. I’m sure you heard of the phrase “If you wanted to die, you’d done it by now” or something like that. Maybe that is my situation. But there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about killing myself. I’m not diagnosed with anything but I already have appointments coming up for therapy and diagnosis tests. I hope they find out what’s wrong with me. I’m still worried if they don’t. What mentally stable person cuts themselves or is suicidal?

Now where I need your help is that I think about overdosing on paracetamol, slitting my wrist or drowning myself in a bathtub. I heard that paracetamol overdose causes liver damage but also death. So that could kill me but slow. Slitting wrists also causes pain and a pretty slow death or no death at all. Now drowning however does take a few minutes but it’s hard cause your body fights against it. I heard that drowning in warm water speeds up the process but it’s still a horrible experience because your lungs will burn like hell.

Even knowing all of this, I still want to do it. The part of me who doesn’t want to die in such a way keeps telling me about the downsides of a suicide attempt. Yet I also don’t care. I’m not even planning to leave a note. When I hurt myself, I don’t even think about regret or sadness. I feel numb.

What the hell do I do?