Because I can't say it to you.

Trigger warning: parental estrangement and childhood neglect

I will never say it to your face because there is too much between us now....

Happy mothers day to you mom, thank you for making me strong enough to navigate this world alone, even if that was not your intention. You wanted me to be part of the machine, you wanted to give me to your pursuits make your life softer.

You always seemed to view your kids as trading items and assets and not as individuals with their own purpose.

To me you resemble a resentful master that would rather see your slaves dead than free. That sounds too harsh to write but I already wrote it and I don't know that I will ever see it differently.

So I wont be telling you happy mothers day. You can tell yourself you're a good mom every day of your life and you can choke on it on your way to the grave if you like. I will never say a good word to you until you admit honestly that you made mistakes and you are sorry for causing hurt.

I don't think you can though, and even if you can you wont because your pride is your greatest fault and I guess I got that from you. I'm more angry and more stubborn and more proud than you ever where and you are the ice queen. And you know...? I am actually thankful for these vices, because I never would have survived without them-- the gifts I got to survive you helped me survive your monsters too, I over came things you were never able to. I know enough to be heartbroken over the life you had to survive, but not sympathetic enough to let you drag me into your world again.

I got this far because I gave you grace for your sins when no one else did. I gave you grace that you never gave back. I chose to look at myself and accept where I came from, what I was and what I am and what I could be. I examined my life lessons, even the ones I got from you, even after all the pain you caused I still searched for answers and found them.

So thank you. And I hope you wish yourself a happy mothers day and feel satisfied.

I will probably never say it to you.

This letter is ironic because you'll fill a page with hatred and leave it on my door. I will never send this one to you.