Mother’s Day Frustrations

My husband is amazing - does more housework than I do (I’m messy, he’s not). He’s overall a great husband and father. And here comes the but….. He has a history of messing up gifts to me. Not all the time, if there is an object I say I love he sometimes will surprise me with that. On major birthdays he’s done great but I’ve just had the 15th Mother’s day with him and these have historically been more frustrating than not.

This Mother’s Day- I let him know I would be getting my flowers this year which has honestly been the best part of my Mother’s Day. I love flowers but am a bit particular. I’ve told him the types of flowers I like, even made him a spread sheet early in our relationship. But for years he’d just grab some roses from the supermarket and expect me to be thrilled. After having too many arguments- I just gave in and faked it for years.

To his credit, he was cool with me getting my own flowers. But when he asked what else he should get I said I’d like dark chocolate strawberries from a specific place close to us but if he wanted to get something else for the kids as well (ie get something for me AND something for them) while he was there he should get a mix of fruit.

So this morning I got a small box of mixed chocolate covered fruit, ok frustrating but I could roll with it. Then came 6 small wrapped presents. My oldest made the comment about getting me a bunch of coffee mugs which would have been fine. Instead they were 6 beautifully scented candles which would be great if I didn’t have asthma and had expressed any desire for candles in the last 10 years maybe even 15 years. I kept on hoping the next one would be a coffee mug so they got to watch me try to keep a happy face while getting more and more frustrated. They went to bed bath and beyond - all sorts of things they could have got I could have used and they went all in on the one thing I can’t!

I think the worst of it is that for all my husband’s wonderful traits, he gets pissy if I don’t fully love what he gets me. Honestly, I wouldn’t be writing this if I could just express both appreciation for the thought but also honesty about liking it. Even more so if I felt like he could take constructive criticism and make more of an effort to get something I’d really like.

It’s the combination of not being heard and having to fake being happy when actually you’re disappointed but you aren’t allowed to be disappointed! Add doing this year after year!

In his defense Christmas and Birthday’s - he normally does ok or sometimes great! It’s just Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day where he seems to feel like I just should be grateful