[625] The Alexandria

Hi everyone!
This is an excerpt from the beginning of a novel I'm working on. The core question I have is whether or not you enjoyed it and/or where you would have stopped reading if it weren't for a critique, but I'd be happy for any and all feedback and advice on how to improve!

My story:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1DxeGsi_uuV3h1gUy4gHJvH68xRGUCAJsP64Er3qWHFw/edit?usp=sharing

Crits:

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1kjobn7/comment/mrs26tq/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/1jyaye0/comment/mna5p1x/?context=3