Hate my old self

Hello-

For the record i will be seeing a psychologist soon, just wanted to vent-

I get fucked up thoughts about looking up illegal things on the internet, I was on the dark web once, i seen stuff advertised that would make skin crawl, I didn’t click or open anything because I didn’t want to ruin my life , I just reported links and never went back,, its a hellhole of a place.

I don’t think i find children attractive, i let my thoughts play out sometimes, i don’t find any arousal in them, i know the difference between right and wrong and I’m not deluded in thinking children can give consent. I never worked with children or never went on dark parts of internet to meet likeminded people who are into them. i don’t even watch much porn in general. I wish the thoughts would stop though. I have autism,ocd traits, history of intrusive thoughts. I seem to do ok, i got a job so not online as much, i dont watch much porn to keep thoughts at bay,i also work out a lot.