I got an abortion and i regret it

I am extremely pro life. I F(18) found out I was pregnant with my exs M (19) baby 4 days after we broke up. My boyfriend had sa’d me in the middle of the night and we broke up. The morning i found out i took a pregnancy test right before leaving for my grandfathers funeral. I told my ex boyfriend and we figured we will have to make it work or I will get an abortion. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was already almost 9 weeks. By the time I got my abortion I was 11 weeks. I thought it was my only choice. Now its been 4 months and im experiencing such a heavy depression and grief like nothing i’ve felt before. I’m not saying any of this to convince people not to get an abortion. I truly just needed it off my chest. I dropped out of college, moved back in with my parents, and quit my job. When will my body start to feel like my own again? How do i move forward? I want my baby back. I know I made this choice before anyone runs to say that. I know the guilt, grief, and depression I am feeling is at my own fault. I just can’t seem to move forward.