hey... i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna care but i just need to say it 🙃

i’ve been the "fat girl" since i was a kid. literally like 8 years old, gettin called "heifer" "blubber whale" like what? i was barely old enough to understand what the hell any of that even meant 😞 and when i hit puberty my 🍒🍒 came outta nowhere and suddenly every guy was looking at me like i was some freakshow... comments everywhere. i didn’t know what was going on, i just wanted to be left alone 🙃

middle school? hell. nobody even bothered to talk to me unless it was to call me names or make jokes about my weight. i’d eat lunch in the bathroom stall just to avoid being seen. PE? nope, faked being sick every time. boys would stare at my chest, girls would talk behind my back. every single day felt like torture.

high school? same shit, different day. dudes sliding into my dms, talkin all nice, then pretending they didn’t know me in front of their friends. girls talking about how desperate i was, making fun of me for trying to fit in. tried to hide in oversized clothes, tried to disappear in baggy hoodies, but it didn’t matter. they still had their jokes 🙃 i was just a joke to them.

home life wasn’t much better. single mom workin herself into the ground, barely had time to check in on me. i slipped through the cracks. started sleeping all the time, gained weight, stopped caring about everything.

graduation came and i thought maybe that was gonna change things. but nope. no one wanted to hire me. i didn’t have the "right look." guys didn’t want me. just wanted someone to sext with or play pretend in their fantasies. fake friends, fake smiles, fake everything.

nights were the worst. just me and my thoughts, alone with my failures, and bills piling up. i thought about just disappearing for real, not gonna lie. but something—some tiny part of me—refused to just give up.

so i started OF. wasn’t some dream come true, it was desperation. i was tired of begging for attention. tired of feeling invisible, ugly, unwanted. tired of crying at night, hungry, exhausted. 🙃

i made an account. said screw it. if they’re gonna objectify me anyway, might as well get paid for it. if they only saw me as a body, then i’m gonna make that shit work for me.

it’s not a fairytale ending. it’s not a pretty glow up. but it’s my story.

if you actually made it this far... fr, thank you 🥹 it means more than you think. i still feel invisible most days, but maybe not 2 you. 💖

my lil messy life story 💔